Words matter. I could have used that as my “title” for this blog but have used that recently so decided to go with “Jim Bob” which will make sense as you read this post.
This weekend I went on a camping trip with some of my friends from Pathways. I was in a cabin but tent camping did happen – just not with me. In the past I have enjoyed camping at places like the Omni, so even camping in a cabin is not normally my “thing”.
Something else important to know is that pre-Pathways when I would go on a trip I would have a folder with printouts of all the info that I would need for the trip. Info on where we would be staying, what we would be doing, even a few maps to ensure that I didn’t get lost (especially before GPS).
On this trip and a few others that I have taken recently – I didn’t create a folder.
On this trip, in particular, I didn’t even look up anything about where we were going. When I got in the car I entered the address of the State park we were going to and that was all I had. I did not think it would be a problem until we got to the area we were going to and I realized that there were MANY cabin areas in the State park we were going to.
Our cell phones were not working that great but even when ours were, the people already at the camp sites – theirs were not. So we didn’t have a way to connect with them to have them help us figure out where we were at.
It was dark. We were tired.
We decided to stop at a gas station and ask someone there for a little help. Not knowing which cabin site we were supposed to be at proved to be important information. I asked to use the phone of the gas station to call the phone number on my email confirmation. They let me. I called and a woman answered. Later I found out that many others from our group had called that same number – and never got anyone to answer. I was sooooo thankful that she answered the phone and gave me directions.
In the meantime, while at the gas station, one of the workers was really helpful and a customer that was there was super helpful too. He was actually “extra” helpful. And actually very “flirty”.
After we left the gas station I realized we didn’t know the “flirty” guys name. So my girlfriend that was with me said she thought his name was Bob. I said Jim – so we named him Jim Bob.
I started calling Jim Bob my boyfriend (all in good fun). I knew that I could make him anything I “wanted” because I didnt really know him.
Without even thinking I told my friend that Jim Bob was an addict. She laughed and said why would you say that? My response was simple, “I am only attracted to addicts”.
We laughed and made up other things about Jim Bob and had some fun creating this person that we did not really even know.
The next day I met someone at the camp site that I had not met before and a group of us were talking. Jim Bob came up and the moment I said that he was an addict, because that’s the only type of men I am drawn to…my new friend just tilted his head. Paused and didnt really say anything for a moment. Then he asked me a few questions.
Later that day most of the people from our group went to the marina to go on a boating adventure. I decided to stay back at the cabin to do some writing (which included a nap) and just rest a bit. During this time I was pondering that “head tilt” that came from the man I had just met but did not know.
And tears started to fall down my face. Really? After all these years of telling myself and others that words matter I have been going around joking and saying that the only type of man that I am attracted to in an addict.
I am certain I thought to myself, What the F……………………………….
Done. I am done with that crap. I will speak life. I will speak what I want. I will speak who I am now and not who I was.
Who knew that a simple head tilt could cause such a reaction in me.
I am drawn to healthy God loving men that want to create a life of purpose and passion.
My story will have a different ending because of the words I choose to say – because they come from what I think – and they come from what I believe.
I believe that I am worthy – and loved – and completely forgiven. That God will guide me to the relationships that I am supposed to have and I will honor Him in all my relationships.
I am an independent strong loving generous woman who will never settle for 2nd best again who was created to creatively connect those that have been hurt in the past, including by the church, to the one true living God by living a loving, generous and thankful life. I am a WHOLE – LOVED & COMPLETELY forgiven woman of God.
I love it when God winks at me, even if it’s thru a head tilt.
Peace&Love to all.